January | 2015 | Mimi Sebastian

Season Two of Black Sails has begun and I shall savor it until Outlander comes back. The eight Outlander episodes did not even whet my appetite for some Jamie Fraser. Sigh. But dinna fash!! says my inner fan girl because we get this:

We have plenty o’ historical man flesh in Charles Vane, Long John Silver, Captain Flint…(plenty o’ woman flesh too 🙂

Last season’s final episode was fantastic. It was full of ass whooping and handing all around. Vane handed over Hornigold’s ass, Flint got some ass handed to him, and I’m sure Jack Rackham was concerned about getting anymore Anne Bonny ass after the New Providence pirates found out Rackham and Bonny murdered members of their own crew.

I’m waiting for my Billy Bones to come back. I know he will. He’s in Treasure Island. I know he will. (If I write it enough times, he will come)

I came up with what I hope is a more fun way of reviewing/recapping, all leading up to a final Blow My Scuttlebutt Rating for the episode. So onward to episode IX.

Long John slithers his way out of yet another flogging or keelhauling. This dude has more lives than a flea bitten feline. He volunteers to join Flint in capturing the Spanish ship (to which Flint sneers, see below), and while they sneak about the companionway where the Spanish crew are sleeping, he not only catches a bottle before it wakes anyone, but he steals the alarm whistle hanging right above a sleeping man’s head.

Number of Flint sneers. In watching the show, I found his sneers are in proportion to his current predicament. When he’s in charge and confident, it’s full sneer ahead. This episode contained about four sneers. A low count for Flint, but he’s fighting his way back to his captaincy. I particularly liked the one where he tells, Dufresne, that his former crew can F off for siding with a cowardly, sniveling shit of a mutineer. Those pirates were poetic. That just rolls off the tongue.

Flint is brilliant, delusional, or downright scaring the crap out of me. I’m going with brilliant this episode, but dude below is probably going with delusional, especially when Flint proposes they capture the Spanish warship anchored off shore. That is a serious scar tattoo, btw.

Wenches behaving bad-ass-ly. Max has evolved quite a bit since we first met her in season one. From sex slave to throwing shade against her former lover, Eleanor, now she’s got her sights set on Anne Bonny. But her stunt in giving information to Ned Low about the Good Fortune (like, not!) was quite the play. Eleanor was banking on another pirate, Hallandale, getting that prize. Max is stepping up her game and show she’s not down with Eleanor’s power trip. Bring it on.

On deck shenanigans. Lots of them, from Flint raiding the Spanish ship to Ned Low’s massacre of the Good Fortune‘s crew. (Wow. What an unfortunate name) I mean seriously, steer clear of any vessel named Good Fortune. You’re better off sailing on The Misfortune, or like, The Bad News Pirates.

Pirate history check. So we meet Ned Low, who appears to be based off of Edward Low, and from the historical accounts, was just as much an unrepentant sadist. The real Low reputedly tortured some prisoners by cutting off their lips before killing them. But that was an amuse bouche really. (Ha, amuse bouche…) Afterwards, he massacred over 60 Spanish prisoners before fleeing north toward the American coast. Based on the Black Sails Low’s story of cutting out someone’s tongue, seems they plan to draw on the historical Low’s brutal reputation. You don’t need to make this shit up.

Episode MBP (Most Badass Pirate). It’s between Low and Flint with honorable mention to Vane’s derriere. Flint, with a reluctant, Silver in tow, boarded the Spanish ship and almost single-handedly took it over. The man just don’t mess around And really, he looks quite dashing in His Majesty’s Navy blues. I’m excited to see his backstory, meeting Miranda, and what events led him and Miranda to New Providence.

Jack Rackham quote: He gets the best lines. After he gets the crap kicked out of him and the pirates, ah, relieved themselves on him, he encounters Anne in the brothel and tells her what happened, ending with: “They pissed on me.”

Billy Bones, Billy Bones is our true hero. Alas, Billy hasn’t shown up yet but who is this new dude playing Dufresne? Apparently, the actor is Roland Reed, replacing Jannes Eiselen. Something about this actor’s beady eyes that rub me wrong. The old Dufresne had puppy dog eyes that just drew me in even when he was plotting against my favorite sociopath, Flint.

9 out of 10 Blow My Scuttlebutts: eight for lots of action plus one for unconventional pirate urinary habits.

I’m very excited to be featuring the release of Night Hush, from my good friend and writing bud, Leslie Jones. It sounds great and I can’t wait to read it.

Back cover copy:

In this gripping and action-packed debut, an Army Intelligence officer and a Delta Force soldier must race against the clock to stop a catastrophic terrorist attack…

When Army Intelligence Officer Heather Langstrom’s military convoy is ambushed and she’s taken prisoner, she knows she’ll need all her strength and courage to survive, escape her captors, and report the whispers of unrest brewing in the Middle East.

Delta Force Captain Jace Reed isn’t one to throw caution to the wind, but when his team stumbles upon beaten and weak Heather fleeing the terrorist training camp they’ve been dispatched to destroy, he’ll risk everything to get her to safety.

Once back on base, they learn her convoy’s ambush was no accident…she’d been targeted. As the evidence of an impending attack mounts, Jace and Heather uncover a deadly terrorist plot that could kill hundreds of civilians.

But Jace’s protective instincts and Heather’s fierce independence put them at constant odds. And as they close in on the extremists, they must learn to trust one another in order to save innocent lives…even if it means sacrificing their own.

Excerpt:

Date: Unknown. Location: Unknown.

The uncertainty was the hardest. The waiting. He would come again, that was a given. He enjoyed her pain, her fear. Her panic. When he tramped into the room, loudly, deliberately, already laughing at her, Heather felt almost relieved to be done with the suspense. Almost.

“Filthy American whore.”

She tried to remain strong, she really did.

She rose on shaking legs, lifting her chin with what bravery she could muster. Standing made her feel less vulnerable, but she couldn’t stop herself from shrinking back against the coarse mudbrick wall. Her shoulders, numb from being pulled behind her for so many hours, screamed in agony as she tried to use them.

He fell silent, the twisted bastard. Stalking her in the small space. Tacitly urging her to run, to try to escape. She strained to hear what her blindfolded eyes couldn’t see. Any inhalation. Any noise.

He gave her a clue. A scrape of a heel. An expelled breath.

When she’d first been captured, she’d been defiant, aiming solid kicks where she thought he stood. When she missed, he laughed. When she connected, he beat her. Now, days later, she merely stumbled away from him, keeping her back to the wall, trying to avoid his fists.

The stink of sour sweat was her only warning before he rushed her, crowded her, pressing his body to hers. His odor penetrated the stench of urine and rotting food that permeated her prison cell. She twisted away from the wall to avoid being pinned. He grabbed her hair, which had long since fallen out of its French braid, then allowed her to wrench away, scalp stinging, dread pulsing with each thud of her heart. Disoriented, hampered by the ropes digging into her wrists and the tight blindfold, she tried to find the wall.

He went soundless again. Circling her. Stalking. Playing with her until she screamed her fear and frustration. Her impotent fury. Her screams were no longer the battle cries of a soldier, an officer in the United States Army. Instead, she sounded desperate, pitiful.

He came for her, his scraggly beard and traditional wool headdress rough against her face as his hard hands bit into her shoulders.

Heather didn’t know how much longer she could hold on. She was nearing the limits of her endurance; she could feel it.

How long had it been since she’d been captured? Days and nights of little sleep, little food, little water. No sanitary facilities.

And him. Always him.

You can find the digital book at Barnes & Noble, Amazon.

Mimi Sebastian

On the dark side of love

Monthly Archives: January 2015

Black Sails is Back – Review

Night Hush Release