Tag Archives: Black Sails

Black Sails is Back – Review

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Season Two of Black Sails has begun and I shall savor it until Outlander comes back. The eight Outlander episodes did not even whet my appetite for some Jamie Fraser. Sigh. But dinna fash!! says my inner fan girl because we get this:Screen Shot 2015-01-24 at 11.03.06 PM

We have plenty o’ historical man flesh in Charles Vane, Long John Silver, Captain Flint…(plenty o’ woman flesh too 🙂

Last season’s final episode was fantastic. It was full of ass whooping and handing all around. Vane handed over Hornigold’s ass, Flint got some ass handed to him, and I’m sure Jack Rackham was concerned about getting anymore Anne Bonny ass after the New Providence pirates found out Rackham and Bonny murdered members of their own crew.

I’m waiting for my Billy Bones to come back. I know he will. He’s in Treasure Island. I know he will. (If I write it enough times, he will come)

I came up with what I hope is a more fun way of reviewing/recapping, all leading up to a final Blow My Scuttlebutt Rating for the episode. So onward to episode IX.

Long John slithers his way out of yet another flogging or keelhauling. This dude has more lives than a flea bitten feline. He volunteers to join Flint in capturing the Spanish ship (to which Flint sneers, see below), and while they sneak about the companionway where the Spanish crew are sleeping, he not only catches a bottle before it wakes anyone, but he steals the alarm whistle hanging right above a sleeping man’s head.

Number of Flint sneers. In watching the show, I found his sneers are in proportion to his current predicament. When he’s in charge and confident, it’s full sneer ahead. This episode contained about four sneers. A low count for Flint, but he’s fighting his way back to his captaincy. I particularly liked the one where he tells, Dufresne, that his former crew can F off for siding with a cowardly, sniveling shit of a mutineer. Those pirates were poetic. That just rolls off the tongue.

Flint is brilliant, delusional, or downright scaring the crap out of me. I’m going with brilliant this episode, but dude below is probably going with delusional, especially when Flint proposes they capture the Spanish warship anchored off shore. That is a serious scar tattoo, btw.

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Wenches behaving bad-ass-ly. Max has evolved quite a bit since we first met her in season one. From sex slave to throwing shade against her former lover, Eleanor, now she’s got her sights set on Anne Bonny. But her stunt in giving information to Ned Low about the Good Fortune (like, not!) was quite the play. Eleanor was banking on another pirate, Hallandale, getting that prize. Max is stepping up her game and show she’s not down with Eleanor’s power trip. Bring it on.Screen Shot 2015-01-24 at 11.08.56 PM

On deck shenanigans. Lots of them, from Flint raiding the Spanish ship to Ned Low’s massacre of the Good Fortune‘s crew. (Wow. What an unfortunate name) I mean seriously, steer clear of any vessel named Good Fortune. You’re better off sailing on The Misfortune, or like, The Bad News Pirates.

Pirate history check. So we meet Ned Low, who appears to be based off of Edward Low, and from the historical accounts, was just as much an unrepentant sadist. The real Low reputedly tortured some prisoners by cutting off their lips before killing them. But that was an amuse bouche really. (Ha, amuse bouche…) Afterwards, he massacred over 60 Spanish prisoners before fleeing north toward the American coast. Based on the Black Sails Low’s story of cutting out someone’s tongue, seems they plan to draw on the historical Low’s brutal reputation. You don’t need to make this shit up.

Episode MBP (Most Badass Pirate). It’s between Low and Flint with honorable mention to Vane’s derriere. Flint, with a reluctant, Silver in tow, boarded the Spanish ship and almost single-handedly took it over. The man just don’t mess around  And really, he looks quite dashing in His Majesty’s Navy blues. I’m excited to see his backstory, meeting Miranda, and what events led him and Miranda to New Providence.Screen Shot 2015-01-24 at 10.58.17 PM

Jack Rackham quote: He gets the best lines. After he gets the crap kicked out of him and the pirates, ah, relieved themselves on him, he encounters Anne in the brothel and tells her what happened, ending with: “They pissed on me.”

Billy Bones, Billy Bones is our true hero. Alas, Billy hasn’t shown up yet but who is this new dude playing Dufresne? Apparently, the actor is Roland Reed, replacing Jannes Eiselen. Something about this actor’s beady eyes that rub me wrong. The old Dufresne had puppy dog eyes that just drew me in even when he was plotting against my favorite sociopath, Flint.

9 out of 10 Blow My Scuttlebutts: eight for lots of action plus one for unconventional pirate urinary habits.

The Crossbones Finale

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Crossbones aired its final episode, and by final, we’re talking end of show. It’s not surprising they decided to cancel. While I found some of the drama compelling and Malkovich’s scene chewing fun to watch, the plot meandered between different characters without really settling in. What was touted as the MacGuffin, the chronometer, was quickly disposed of rather anti-climatically in, oh, the third or fourth episode, leaving me flapping worse than a loosened sail. It popped up again in the finale and I have no idea how it wound up in the hands of the Spanish fleet. I really would have liked to have learned more about Lowe’s past as the king’s spy, more about Blackbeard himself, or more from Charlie Rider. He grew on me and I was glad to see him surface and kick ass in the final battle. Charlie, mate, take yon red coat and head on over to New Providence and join Flint’s crew.Crossbones, Blackbeard, Charlie Ryder

I expressed my dislike in a previous post over the liberties taken with historical fact surrounding Blackbeard’s life, and still believe the show creators could have incorporated the facts about Blackbeard better, if they were going to use him at all. The show professed to be based off of Colin Woodard’s book, The Republic of Pirates, but I saw no resemblance whatsoever to the book. Once again, why not just create a new pirate character? I guess they thought Blackbeard’s name attached to the show would bring in more viewers, which is true, but for me it detracted from the show.

While I liked Kate Balfour in the beginning, she really began annoying me toward the end. So self-righteous toward Lowe, as if she bore no responsibility for her actions. And her attempt to abort her and Lowe’s unborn child because she didn’t think her husband, James Balfour, could stand another tragedy just struck me as another plot device to increase drama and conflict. Who knows? Maybe they began that subplot before knowing the show would be canceled. I was surprised at how neatly they wrapped everything up, making me think they had an alternate ending already shot and ready to go when word came down about the cancellation.

I was actually okay with Selima’s fate. (This was actually the best use of the highly derivative, yet pretty freaky Antoinette.) Selima failed to stir any emotions in me beyond distaste. I didn’t get her at all, and once again, could be because of the failure to develop the secondary characters. Case in point, and I apologize once again for the Black Sails comparison, take Max from Black Sails. She went through some pretty heinous sh@&* as the pirate sex slave. When she escaped that situation, coming out stronger and tougher to challenge the brothel madame, I liked her loads more than in the first few episodes because I could empathize with her choices after the horrible experience.

The only person who seemed to really go through some heinous sh@%$ on Crossbones was Lowe and the constant threat of death. And let’s discuss that more shall we, because I never believed for a second, in the what? three times they almost killed him, that they would actually really killl him. The plot device grew old fast. And what was the point with trepanning Blackbeard’s skull except to make my intestines shrivel and squirm?

So in the end Blackbeard walks off into the sunset. Who’s shriveled head did Lowe deliver to the Brits in Jamaica? And is Lowe a pirate now? Will he and James Balfour share daddy duties to Kate’s child? I guess we’ll never know.

Pirate Shenanigans: Black Sails and Crossbones Comparison

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black-sailsJust like a spicy glass of wine or pecan praline ice-cream, I couldn’t resist a comparison of Black Sails and Crossbones. Regardless of what I think of either show, it’s super exciting to have two pirate shows on tv that are attempting a more serious, grounded take than say, Pirates of the Caribbean (which is still enjoyable if only to see Depp and Rush as Sparrow and Barbosa). Another show called Port Royal was supposed to go into production, but maybe they dropped it. (I think it was HBO) So tons of credit upfront to the creators and producers for giving us these shows!

First, I offer kudos to both shows for featuring strong female characters. We have Eleanor Guthrie, Max, and Anne Bonny from Black Sails; and Kate, Nenna, and Selima on Crossbones. These women are working hard to survive and carve out some semblance of independence and strength in a world where women were treated like chattel. And at least, Black Sails doesn’t try to make these women necessarily heroic or independent of the male-dominated social structure. They have to survive within that society, including sleeping with men to get what they want. I don’t believe for a second Blackbeard on Crossbones would be keeping Selima around with her refusing to sleep with him. For someone like Blackbeard, she has nothing to offer that he doesn’t already think he can do for himself. So maybe there’s something else going on between those two the show hasn’t yet revealed.

Now the sheer nature of the pirate havens like New Providence and their looser hierarchies probably provided a smidgen more social space for women to be independent. Eleanor Guthrie is an interesting character, having taken over her father’s merchant trade and using that to gain power and influence. But she pissed off Charles Vane and I’m excited to see that play out next season. Max is a prostitute yet she climbed out of becoming a literal slave to the pirates to a powerful force, running the brothel with Jack Rackham.

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Anne Bonny from Black Sails

The historical, Anne Bonny, and her female pirate counterpart, Mary Read, were truly fascinating figures.
Historical records show Bonny left a fairly prosperous life to marry a penniless sailor. When her father disinherited her, she and her husband moved to the Bahamas. Continue reading →

Front Yard: Everything is Awesome

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front yardMore front yard high jinks by the chickens, yes, now the other chicken has decided to roam. I guess I need to take a new picture.

I’d like to take a moment to remember Harold Ramis. One of the Second City alums, he was involved in some of the greatest comedies ever, either as a writer, actor, or director: Stripes, Animal House, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Groundhog Day, Meatballs. Your contributions are noted sir and you will be missed.

Speaking of funny movies, I highly recommend you see the Lego Movie. Very clever, really poignant final act, and cool animation.  And I love the theme song, Everything is Awesome, by Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo fame, sung by Tegan and Sarah. For a movie about a toy, it did a great job poking fun at itself while highlighting what kids like about Lego, the creativity. My favorite Lego character was Benny the retro space guy.

Turned in first round of revisions of Necromancer’s Betrayal, so now to finish Necromancer’s Redemption so I can start writing my second pirate book! The Tucson Book Festival is coming up March 14 and 15 and I’m super psyched for the event and to be attending with a great group of authors.

Stay tuned in March when I announce a fun contest my writer’s group Desert Muses is going to run. A knock off on March Madness, we call it March Man-ness!! We’ll run the contest via our Desert Muses blog.

On to the the random stuff. Been faithfully watching Black Sails. While I can appreciate the slow build up, establishing characters, I was still waiting for those grappling hooks to catch me or anything for that matter. I liked the New Providence scenes, how the port town might have looked, how the pirates lived while it was their haven, and the inner politics of pirate life, yet those moments seemed to drag a bit. Let’s get to the good stuff! Finally, finally, Episode V arrived and the lines caught and hooked me. The tactical sea battle between Flint and Bryson was great. Got to see some ship maneuvering and nautical talk, and left us on a harrowing cliff hanger. Some interesting movement on New Providence. I’m starting to dislike Eleanor. She seems very self righteous and willing to betray anyone even her closest and most trusted ally. And did not appreciate how she treated Vane. A few words on Vane. I didn’t think I’d like him because the real Vane was a pretty brutal pirate, but one of the last hold outs against the British. But I’m loving this Vane more and more. I’d like to see him up one on Eleanor oh and what did he sail off to do at the end!!! I’m also really liking Anne Bonny and Calico Jack. So glad to hear they’ve ordered a second season already because I’m in!

If you haven’t heard of the upcoming new tv show called Penny Dreadful, check this out!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFXHfEqMcis. It looks so cool. I like the dark, gothic feel of the Victorian monster mix. And Eva Green is perfect casting. It premieres in May and I can’t wait.

Instead of a song, I must end with another trailer, this time for the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Looks like a fun ride. Do I dare say shaping up to be a mashup of Star Wars and Futurama??!! Marvel’s very own space heroes, the Guardians are a unique set of characters, one of my favorites being Rocket Raccoon, voiced by Bradley Cooper. And I really like the casting of Chris Pratt as Peter Quill / Star-Lord. He also voiced Emmett in the Lego Movie. Here’s a link to the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXAB9PQE1CU