Tag Archives: Long John Silver

Black Sails Finale

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Black Sails ended. Sad day. And how did its last gasps fair? I apologize for skipping out on some recaps but I couldn’t miss musing over the finale. Ending a television series has to be difficult, subjecting yourself to social media screeds if not done according to the wishes of fan boys/girls, but when you put something out there, you subject it to public opinion and can only hope people will appreciate your work. I truly appreciated Black Sails. It did for pirates what no other movie or show had done before. It brought pirates to life, not as caricature, but as living, breathing figures with grounded desires and motivations. And the actors really gave it their all and balanced their portrayals with the right amount of gravitas and fun. The show established a specific tone from the get go and stuck to it. Bravo. And gave us swashbuckling to boot! Huzzah! What I offer here is not so much a review or recap, but more a reflection on the series and how it ended.

Did it earn its ending? Certainly a tough task and what sometimes ultimately makes or breaks a show. Dexter had not earned its ending. For Dexter to send his son off to South America with a murderess after he took such pains to shelter him from the “dark passenger” was preposterous. The show set the viewer up from day one with the scenario…shit is going to hit the fan when his coworkers discover his true identity. But no. Only Laguerta found out and they killed her. I previously posted about the ridiculous and disappointing Penny Dreadful finale. It pains me to think about it so I won’t recap, but you can find it here: http://wp.me/p3aUdm-mo

So Black Sails? The ending or last few episodes were a mixed bag for me. If there was ever a slight tonal shift in the show it was when they sailed for the mysterious island or what would become treasure island. It kind of veered into Pirates of the Caribbean territory so I mentally got on board for the ride. But then the show did some funny things and told us we had to be serious again, giving us maybe more than was necessary conversations between Flint and Silver. Talk about bromance.

Some characters earned their fates like Eleanor, Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny. It was interesting in fact to see how the fictional character fates intertwined with what happened to the real life pirates. Jack and Anne had served on Charles Vane’s crew (along with Mary Read who we meet as the young “boy” on the show) until they mutinied and marooned Vane who was later picked up by the authorities and taken to Port Royal and hanged. Eventually, Jack Rackham’s head swung as well. Anne Bonny and Mary Read were to see a similar end but both claimed to be pregnant, which was found to be true, so their lives were spared. But back to the show and Max’s fate. Ugh, well, I just never really took to her character. I don’t know if it was the acting or just how her character arc was handled – from a backstabbing, manipulative former prostitute to the savoir of Nassau. Uh, okay.

In comparison, we see Billy’s transformation from a true brother, living by the pirate code even when the leaders around him outright broke the code (Flint) yet he soldiers on, trying to do the right thing, until he breaks and he knows it. He’s killing his own brothers at the end, he knows its completely jacked up, but he continues to do it anyway. (No one survives being tossed overboard like Billy!) Maybe my issue with Max is she had no self-awareness of how she arrived where she ended up.

So that leads us to Flint and Silver. I really wanted to see a flash forward to our crusty old peg leg sidling up to Jim Hawkins, but no such luck. We can only surmise what eventually drives Silver to leave everything behind to seek out the treasure. I don’t believe Flint’s words to him, that eventually the quiet life with Madi won’t be enough. Sorry show. The entire series we see Silver trying to weasel his way out of responsibility. I liked when, while searching for Madi on Rogers’ ship, he comes upon a crew member hiding below deck. Silver calls him a coward, and the man replies he’s just the cook. Such a call back to season one when Silver had done the same very thing when Flint’s crew attacked the ship he was on. Then Silver became their “cook”. Silver’s legend and authority was basically thrust upon him. Something bigger has to happen for Silver to give up the quiet, idyllic life on the maroon island and not him just seeking out fortune because he misses the pirate life.

Flint’s end is extremely complicated. And what, he and Thomas were going to live out their days on some kind of work camp/penal colony and you can’t tell me they’d be free to live as a couple when Thomas was sent there because he was homosexual or bi-sexual. I don’t remember if all that was clear given Miranda’s involvement. Flint and Thomas shared the same dream of a sort of “utopia” free of British conventions. I would think being together again would only fire Flint up even more. I’m more apt to believe Flint gave up because Silver basically betrayed him. Honestly, a knock down, balls to the wall, battle at the end with Woodes Rogers riding off into the sunset, the victor, may have been more fitting, showing us the futility of it all. Sad but true. Woodes Rogers did defeat the pirates and the story of how he did so with the help of Benjamin Hornigold, while I rail against it with ragged breaths, is truly remarkable. He served as Governor of Nassau for a good long time. I’m not sure why they decided to see him jailed. So the pirates could have their Nassau? Why? They still could have let Anne and Jack sail off into the sunset, Silver giving up and living with Madi, and Flint dead. I felt they gave us the pretty ending and pirate lives were never pretty. Fair winds!

Black Sails XXIX Recap

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Black Sails has returned! For its final season 🙁

While I’m excited to see these characters again, I’m apprehensive about the fates of our scurvy crew. I don’t want to say good-bye yet respect goes out to the show creators for knowing when to end the story. More and more, shows tend to milk a series beyond its natural, respectable life and story and characters suffer for it.

If you haven’t read Treasure Island, the next paragraph contains some possible spoilers for Black Sails.

So last season wrenched my innards, seeing Charles Vane swing on the gallows and all, but well, he did in fact get hanged at Port Royal. And that is what makes me apprehensive about this season because nothing is going to end well for our cutthroats. The Golden Age of Piracy ends (pretty much with Woodes Rogers’s arrival in New Providence and Blackbeard’s death), but we also have the events of Treasure Island to consider. We’ve seen Silver transform into our beloved peg-legged Long John Silver. And Flint is already mad. He only lacks his stick. 

Seriously show make it so. And Billy? Billy Bones. Sigh. I don’t know if Black Sails will give us a glimpse of Treasure Island’s beginning in its series finale but wouldn’t it be cool to leave us with Silver sidling up to Jim Hawkins? I’d rather see that than poor Billy’s bones.

So much for endings. Our premiere gave us a roaring start. Who doesn’t love a good battle to get the blood pounding…and spraying. Yikes. Pretty clever that Woodes Rogers. Sinking ships to create a barrier unbeknownst to our brigands.

Romance or Bromance? One of the highlights of this show has been the dynamic between Silver and Flint, sometimes allies, and sometimes at odds, outwitting each other, Flint by pure force of will, and Silver by cunning. Their conversation before getting blown to bits deserves its place among the many fine bromances but alas, ‘tis not to last forever. Of course, we know Silver didn’t drown and he will rejoin our anti-heroes but will it be in time to save his romance from the bromance? I mean, seriously, what was Madi thinking when she revealed to Flint and Billy that Silver told her the treasure’s location. That never ends well for people, when they get in Flint’s way.

Pirate History Check: As much as I’d love to hate on Woodes Rogers, the man displayed incredible determination and courage. He stood up to some formidable pirates, established order in New Providence all without much support from his peers. He did, in fact, overcome much adversity and did get deeply indebted as a result of having to finance his campaign in the Caribbean. This is the man who was a privateer during the war with France and Spain, who led an assault against a Spanish city, and had circumvented the world. I honestly don’t know what motivated him to take the actions he did only to get crapped on by the lords proprietor (businessmen and nobility who basically administered much of the Caribbean and some of the colonies.). He did them a favor by driving out the pirates. Yes, he was governor but acted pro bono. Now before I completely romanticize the man, he was a slave trader. I’ll leave it at that.

Wenches Behaving Bad-ass-ly? Oh, how the mighty have fallen, but you know, I just can’t forgive Eleanor for her role in Charles’s demise. Seeing her knitting with the other wives was classic. At least the show acknowledged Eleanor’s knowledge of her own capitulation. She sold her soul. I’m curious how much of her soul may be left, the girl running down the beach filled with pirates, not giving a damn about any of them. (If you remember Vane’s description of her from Season One.) And Max, come on honey. At least Eleanor has accepted the futility of a woman’s independence and power in the face of true British aristocracy. British nobility is a bitch Max. Get used to it. Maybe you can darn some wool socks. At least we still have Anne Bonny.

Deep thoughts with Jack Rackham. This show has given some of the best lines to Jack Rackham. However, this episode Blackbeard got in a good line at Rackham’s expense, when Rackham asked Blackbeard if they should say a few words to rouse the crew for battle. Blackbeard’s response was perfect, and very in line with what the real Blackbeard may have thought or said. I haven’t always agreed with the show’s portrayal of Blackbeard (Iron Beard), but Blackbeard ruled his ship by action, not words.

I do love, btw, all the love thrown Charles’s Vane’s way, from Jack to Blackbeard. In reality, Jack and Anne mutinied against Charles Vane and marooned him on an island. He was eventually picked up by the authorities and sent to Port Royal to be promptly hanged. So there you go. I like the show’s version better.

Blackbeard is badass. That’s right mo fos. Don’t fuck with Blackbeard. I got chills when Rogers’s man, Captain Berringer, or Mario Batalli, said Blackbeard is a formidable opponent. That’s right. Blackbeard was a literal fleet onto himself. The only pirate to blockade a major harbor for two weeks (Charleston). And he will kick your ass Mario. I’m waiting for it. Make it so, show! Especially after Mario cut off De Groot’s ear. De Groot has not always supported Flint, but he ain’t no snitch against the brethern. Stickin’ it to the man!

I honestly don’t know why Silver didn’t just pretend to be dead and then grab a dagger or cutlass off a dead body and shank whoever it was going around killing off the men washed up on shore, but then we wouldn’t have our cliffhanger. But seriously will he make it back before Flint kills Madi because, really, her days are numbered.

Black Sails Season Three…So Far

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Fair winds! I had every intention of resuming Black Sails reviews at the start of Season Three. Alas, life got the better of me so instead I present a recap and thoughts on goings on so far. We are six episodes in (Episodes XIX through XXIV) with four more to go!

Last season had me at the first episode. Ned Low made a grand if bloody entrance and I’m still bummed he didn’t get to cause more mayhem. Episode one of this season did a good job of setting the stage, showing us the fates of our pirate brethren, where everyone stood. But the next few episodes, Flint separation from Nassau, wandering in the doldrums, just had me frustrated. When I saw the preview of XXII and Flint and crew’s apparent capture by island natives (now we know better; Great Scott, Mr. Scott!), I groaned and wondered if they’d wander into Pirates of the Caribbean territory. Flint works best for me when he’s interacting with other strong pirates like Vane. The sneers are in full force. However, the moments between Flint and Silver made up for some of the meandering and moved their relationship into a satisfying next phase. I admittedly cheered at the scene where they harpooned a shark. For those who have played Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag, you know what I’m talking about. Huzzah!

But let’s talk some more of our man of the sneer. Flint could probably convince someone to jump off a bloody bridge. Billy Bones agrees. He probably considered making the jump just to see if what Flint promised lay in the ocean depths. I mean, Flint’s line to Vane…you have to decide who you are…And Vane did, and he betrayed Teach…again.

I’m still traumatized by Miranda’s death so I’m glad they gave her ghost some time this season. Some tv shows kill off characters and don’t give enough space for the viewer and other characters to mourn. I didn’t much like her in Season One, but she became my favorite female character in Season Two. Loved her smack down of Eleanor (see in this recap).

Finally, episode XXIV gave me the confrontation I’d swab a deck for! Flint and Blackbeard. Ray Stevenson was a wonderful casting choice for our man of the beard. He has the physicality to play Blackbeard. I’m sorry, but John Malkovich just didn’t do it for me. See my thoughts on Crossbones here.

Okay, disclaimer first. I’m not buying everything the writers are throwing our way as far as Blackbeard. I mean, really, the Iron Man shrapnel? Was that intentional for some reason? I just don’t get it. What writer didn’t raise his or her hand and say, ah, guys, this smells too much of Iron Man and would come across as a weird, anachronistic reference.iron beard

I also didn’t get the opening scene of XIX where Teach killed his wife’s brothers. Or rather, I got it. They were trying to show us how badass Teach was, but it rang false for me. I’m pretty sure Teach would have tossed the brothers overboard and let them swim back to Bath. I don’t think he would have cared enough about those guys to bother killing them (or endanger the pardon he’d obtained from the North Carolina Governor).

Teach very smartly cultivated his dangerous persona, but, along with Sam Bellamy, there’s no record, in nearly 300 attacks on shipping between the two of them, of either Blackbeard or Bellamy killing a captive. (They may have roughed them up a bit.) Teach was shrewd but not reckless. It might have been better to “show us Blackbeard’s mettle” by giving us a scene based on a tale told by Captain Johnson in the General History of Pyrates. Apparently, while in one of his “savage humors” and without provocation, Blackbeard shot the Queen Anne’s Revenge’s master, Israel Hands’, knee. The explanation? Possibly to keep his crew in line, to keep them guessing so they wouldn’t dare challenge his authority. Ultimately though, Blackbeard, according to Angus Konstam in his book, Blackbeard, was a relatively benign pirate compared to Charles Vane, who, Konstam wrote, “seemed to take a psychopathic delight in torture and violence”. Lest we forget the lesson handed to Ned Low last season.

Black Sails, episode XI, Charles Vane

But everything else, I’m down. Charles Vane did serve on Teach’s crew before setting off on his own. Teach also had “settled down” in Bath for a spell. He supposedly bought a house after obtaining a pardon from the North Carolina Governor, Charles Eden. I read quite a bit about pirate escapades in the Carolinas for my Sargasso’s Mistress book and it’s quite interesting how much the pirates had insinuated themselves in Carolina trade and shenanigans, especially Teach. It’s also true he established a base of sorts at Ocracoke Island, where the pirates would sometimes gather to store loot and party.

On to Max, who has outlived her suspension of disbelief. Scenes with her just annoy me at this point. I’m all for creating strong women characters but not at the expense of the story and plausibility. Woodes Rogers would not have given her the time of day and the pirates on the island have absolutely no reason to listen to a damn thing she says. They have pardons. Their pirate leaders are gone. They just wouldn’t give a crap about Max. She has no legitimacy and for her to tell Woodes that she can control the peoples is silly. But wait, she has treasure! See next paragraph.

I also don’t think the Spanish would have given a rat’s ass about the missing portion of their treasure. (Nor would have Woodes Rogers for that matter, but more on him below.) Spain lost so much treasure to pirates and French, Dutch, British privateers. They’d cut their losses and run. At that point, they had a treaty with Britain and I doubt they would have endangered the truce by going after Nassau.

And Eleanor? Yeah, meh. I’m more invested in Anne Bonny at this point. I am, however, interested in seeing Eleanor cross paths with Vane and Flint and how that will play out. Will Flint convince her to betray Woodes Rogers or jump off the bloody bridge? Ultimately, I feel like her treads are wearing thin, like Max. I guess I’m still pissed at her for screwing Vane twice (in the bad way). I understood her motives but me no likey.

What Black Sails continues to do wonderfully is establish its pirates and their relationships to each other so I let my rumblings subside and lose myself once again in Billy Bones’s cut physique.

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Tom Hopper is great as Billy. Not just for his hunked out bod either. No, I’m serious. Really.

So episode XXIV tied all those wonderful elements together, brought to fruition the wonderful ground they laid from the very beginning. Jack and Anne are awesome and should have their own adventures. The Bonny and Clyde of the seven seas. The writers and Jack sold me on his decision to fuck Woodes Rogers and I love how all he had to do was write a letter with enough nuance, trusting that Anne would read between the lines. And boy did she ever. Woodes still doesn’t know what he’s dealing with. Eleanor knows, but she can only give him so many worried looks. Me thinks he’s figured it out though.

So let’s talk Woodes Rogers. The pirate “utopia” of Nassau could only last so long, and knowing the history of the place, I wondered where they’d eventually go with the story given the eventual arrival of Woodes Rogers. The Golden Age of the Caribbean pirates began its decline with the fall of Nassau to Woodes Rogers. His arrival scattered the pirates and removed their power base.

Blackbeard attempted to establish new operations from North Carolina but was eventually killed in a cinema worthy battle with Lieutenant Maynard. Sam Bellamy died in a storm on his way to Maine. (I have been stoked with the two Sam Bellamy name drops this season!! I was so hoping they’d feature him, but no such luck.) And Vane and Jack? Well, I won’t spoil anything in case they decide to follow the history closely. Even though I mentioned my issues with the Spanish gold MacGuffin, Luke Robert’s portrayal of Woodes is fine (if not somewhat tame; see story below) and his interesting alliance with Eleanor. Woodes Rogers was a complex individual, who, if so inclined would have made a formidable pirate himself. A former privateer, according to Richard Sanders in If a Pirate I Must be, The True Story of “Black Bart”, in a battle, a musket ball tore off Rogers’ upper jaw, but he continued to issue orders on paper while spitting out his blood. Flint would be proud.

A couple of stray notes: Ben Gunn showed up this season! Of all the Treasure Island pirates, he actually has one of the best outcomes, and that’s all I’ll say, except maybe…cheese. And also, Long John Silver mentioned having a half black wife in Treasure Island, so in case you were wondering, yeah, I believe they are going there.

Honestly, I have no idea what fate is in store for Nassau, Anne and Jack, Woodes Rogers, Flint, the escaped slave colony led by Mr. Scott and his queen. (Who saw that coming?) Thankfully, Saturday is a few days away.

Black Sails Episode XVIII

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For all the blood and violence we occasionally see on Black Sails, the scene of the Charles Town crowds throwing stuff at Miranda’s corpse horrified me the most. Poor Miranda. Onward to our intense and satisfying finale.

Long John slithers his way out of yet another flogging or keelhauling. Not this time. Silver’s tongue and double-dealing maybe caught up to him, showing us finally how Silver became our beloved Treasure Island peg-leg. Two painful scenes to behold: Vane’s man hacking away at his leg and his crew cutting it off. Thank the gods for anesthesia and modern medicine. Flint’s crew has certainly taken a shine to Silver, and I think it makes him uncomfortable. I don’t think he wants to feel loyalty, but he had no choice after they elected him quartermaster. I wonder how the crew will feel if they ever find out he was the one who sold information about the Urca gold to Max?

Number of Flint sneers. Flint gave Peter Ashe many sneers and the Governor deserved every last teeth gritting one. So what was his deal? Why did he betray Thomas, Flint, and Miranda? Was he jealous of Flint’s relationship with Thomas? And is he really dead?

Flint is brilliant, delusional, or downright scaring the crap out of me. As I kind of figured, Flint’s aspirations to reconcile with Ashe got blown to bits along with Miranda’s, ah, cerebrum. I see him going for that gold with a renewed sociopathic fervor. James McGraw died with Miranda.

On deck shenanigans. Lots of crazy shit, limbs being severed. Which crew would prevail? Or which leg? I was squinting through most of the onboard scenes, but Bones and Flint’s crew prevailed.

Wenches behaving bad-ass-ly. So Eleanor was out of the picture. Will we see her or her hanging corpse next season? Anne absolved herself in my eyes by finally resolving where her true loyalties lay. I still don’t quite understand what drove her to go all nutty and slit Mr. Logan’s throat, but the scene with her and Jack on his ship was nice. “You and I are going to be fucking partners until they put us in the ground.” A more direct, piratical way of saying ’til death do us part, yet Anne wants nothing of domesticity. None of the women on this show do. Kudos to them. Max is flying high right now, but me thinks a take down is in store.

Pirate history check. Charles Town became quite the prosperous colony, deriving much wealth from rice plantations, on the backs of the slaves, of course. While it was not sacked by pirates, Blackbeard blockaded it for two weeks in search of medical supplies, supposedly to treat his men afflicted with syphillis. The Spanish, occupying St. Augustine, raided settlements to the south of Charles Town, and the local Native American tribes often attacked the settlements.

Episode MBP (most badass pirate). In the spirit of mutual cooperation, I’m calling it a tie between Vane and Flint. I’m liking the temporary truce between the two. I know it won’t last long, well, at least until next year. Vane and Flint tore through Charles Town, manacled… manacled!!! Flint honored Miranda by not giving Ashe what he wanted, for Flint to admit to all his horrible crimes. Vane, my pirate Che Guevarra, brought hell fire down on the town after a rousing speech and with a very dramatic manacled hand raise.

vane

 

I seriously had that song in my head when he raised his hands. Or we will rock you. Who wants to live forever? Any Queen song would have done nicely.

Billy Bones, Billy Bones is our true hero. Vane knew who he needed to convince to keep peace on the ship, and Billy, loyal to his pirate brethren, gave Vane the key to blasting Flint out of Charles Town. Who knew a girl’s journal could hold so much power?

Sorry Jack, Flint had the money quote this episode: “Everyone is a monster to someone.” He proceeds to shows how he would be Charles Town’s monster when he and Vane blow the place to bits and remind them “that they were right to be afraid.” I got me some chills when Flint spoke those words to Vane with a sneer, of course.

So now we have the gold. In Treasure Island, that gold ends up buried on an island so we know it will slip through many hands before then. Really, I just want to see Flint and Vane return and wipe the gold induced fever from Max’s eyes. I respect her, but I don’t like her.

So what’s in store for season 3? I chuckle gleefully. Black friggin beard. Even better. Ray Stevenson as Black friggin Beard!!! Yesssss. Sorry Crossbones, but thissss was what I wanted to see. And a fine beard it is. And given the complex portrayals of all the pirates, I hope Black Sails will do Blackbeard justice and show him as the wily, cunning, and rational scurvy dog he was!

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Black Sails Episode X

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Episode IX left me wondering: How will Flint take back his command? Will Vane blast him out of the water when he returns to New Providence? Whose lips will Ned Low remove? Why don’t they name each episode?

We got some answers to these pressing questions, but not to the show’s Roman numeral naming convention. A good name for episode X would have been Don’t Fuck the Dairy Goat. But more on that later. The pacing this season has been breath-stealing. Many major plot issues were resolved in this episode. I thought they’d make us wait until mid-season to see Billy Bones. Squee! But I suspect the pirates have many more heads to sever with a rusty cutlass and they really can’t waste time on trivial matters.

I was worried about Mr. Meeks. I didn’t think he was going to last the episode. I couldn’t tear my eyes from his lips. (See previous review with background on real life pirate, Edward Low)

Long John slithers his way out of yet another flogging or keelhauling. Silver suffered quite a bit while trying to make Flint’s former crew turn against each other, but he didn’t let a few well-thrown punches deter him. He learned in the orphanage that it’s not about getting others to like you, it’s reminding others how much they dislike each other. We also learned Silver didn’t want to be a pirate. Sadly, his destiny is set, and, as his Treasure Island future self said, “Them dat die ‘ill be the lucky ones”.

Number of Flint sneers. He was sneer-less, not even after giving the order to fire and stealing Dufresne’s thunder. In fact, I believe the British aristocrat officers in the London tavern scene threw a few sneers Flint’s way.

Flint is brilliant, delusional, or downright scaring the crap out of me. I loved the lines from Flint’s Commodore or Admiral in the London flashback. (Don’t really know what his commander’s rank was.) Anyway, after Flint kicked British Lord butt in the tavern scene, his commander told him: “That thing which arises in you when passions are aroused. Good sense escapes you. All men have it, but yours is different. Darker. Wilder. I imagine it’s what makes you so effective as an officer. But when exposed to extremes, I could not imagine what it is capable of.”

Dufresne knows what “it” is capable of. Dufresne, you about to get your butt whipped, and Flint, your manipulation is a wonder to behold. First, he stroked Dufresne’s ego, told him how he’d known the man of letters, Dufresne, would be a good addition to the crew. Then, for Dufresne’s own good, he gave him a piece of sage tactical advice. Don’t take the eastern route back to New Providence, and tempt the crew with a fat, merchant vessel out of Kingston. And, of course, what did Dufresne do? He sailed east and pursued a prize. Did Flint actually want Dufresne to not sail east to keep Dufresne from successfully capturing a prize, and look good in front of the crew? Or did he gamble on Dufresne not taking his advice, sailing east, taking a prize, and failing miserably? I say the latter. Flint, yer a canny bastard. Flint orchestrated the death and destruction of his own crew to get his captaincy back. Is it possible a man could do such a thing, asks Dufresne? Why yes. Just ask Flint’s former commander about his dark and wild thing. Oh, and Miranda too.

Wenches behaving bad-ass-ly. Eleanor is in quite the pickle. Many factions are closing in on her. The newly formed Rackham, Max, and Anne triumvirate or threesome for one. Wonder when we’ll see that, eh, Starz? Add to that, Low’s frightening obsession with her. And what will Vane do? Anne seems genuinely torn between her passion for Max and obligations/feelings for Rackham. In historical records, Anne did sail off with Captain Calico Jack Rackham, along with Mary Read. When Rackham’s drunken crew encountered a privateer, who was hunting Calico Jack, they were easily subdued. Most of the pirates fled for the hold while Anne and Mary joined the fight to repel the privateers. Read called on the pirates to “come up and fight like men.” (from Daniel Defoe’s A General History of the Pirates)

On deck shenanigans. Pirate articles covered everything from prohibitions on gambling, share of spoils, and health insurance. Not sure I’ve come across a prohibition on beastiality. Flint’s crew forgot that one as well. But me thinks they’re going to add it now. Forget stealing food or wiping one’s arse with one’s hand. People, don’t fuck the dairy goat…or piss off the cook.

Pirate history check. Not really, but I’d like to make an appeal to restore one 18th Century tradition of starting meetings with the “Account of Goings On”. Volume the first, on this first day of February, in the year Two-thousand and fifteen. Weather is quite pleasant. Stomp feet. John was playing Candy Crush on his work computer. Jane was dozing in the break room. I think much office gossip could be deflated if we just aired the scuttlebutt from the get go.

Episode MBP (most badass pirate). While simply uttering Vane’s name kept a pirate from getting arrested, and while Flint is a master manipulator, Low wins out for sheer, gut-wrenching brutality. Bringing him on the show was a stroke of genius. The dude is unhinged. I was clenching my blanky in all of his scenes, wondering when the axe murderer in him was going to break loose. Loved it. And the actor who plays him is doing a great job. I bet he’s a really nice guy in real life, like the kid who played Joffrey Baratheon in Game of Thrones. Mr. Meeks, I knew you were not long for this world. Until Meeks’ head rolled, we didn’t see what Lowe was doing to him, but, oh, we heard it with sticky, wet, flesh-rending clarity.

Billy Bones, Billy Bones is our true hero. I knew it! Opening scene. But, why did they have to torture him? Pirates did some nasty things, oh no, that was the British Royal Navy, and the Spaniards, who came up with the foul technique employed by the Naval officer torturing our Billy. The Spaniards did concoct the Inquisition, after all. I’m pretty sure I’d take water boarding over being shrink-wrapped in leather and left on the beach to cook. I suppose the scenario was a combination of water boarding and death by leather.

Jack Rackham quotes. Jack was pretty subdued this episode. Actually he was pretty heart-breaking, as much as a pirate can be. So I have to hand over best quote to Randall, the cook. “I don’t like him.” Silver learned quite a bit from a man who barely speaks.

The first season got off to a slow start, spending the first few episodes establishing the characters. While the pacing was deliberate, it really paid off. Now, we have episode after episode of tense situations, and I’m invested in what will happen to each character, even the crazy bastards.

A full 10 out of 10 blow my scuttlebutts because, gosh darn it, Billy Bones is back! And for unmentionable acts with dairy goats.